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Top Ten Things That You Will Really Do in Thailand

Screw the tourist brochures telling you what to do in Thailand, this is the stuff you’re really going experience.

Clickbait. Vagabond Journey sells out.

For years, Vagabond Journey has proudly brought you interesting, honest and informative stories about travel and the world around us.

Unfortunately, inspirational quotes and list-based articles seem to be the big moneymaker these days. It’s time for Vagabond Journey to jump on the bandwagon and cash in on this trend. Old habits do die hard, so this list may be a little different than those you’ll find on the rest of the web. Judge for yourself.

Top Ten Things to Do in Thailand   Top Ten Things You Probably Will Do in Thailand

  1. Try Delicious New Foods.

    Thailand has some of the best cuisine in the world at very low prices. Mixing sweet, spicy, sour, savory and salty, Thai food stimulates more taste buds than you knew you had. After lunch, go for a walk in the countryside to burn off the post-meal daze. As your stomach begins to rumble, realize your body hasn’t yet adapted to the food. Race down a dirt path just in time to unleash yourself in a stranger’s outdoor toilet. Do it without asking permission because, wow, that was way too close.

  2. Visit the Jungle.

    Pretend that your hike isn’t ruined by the regular presence of aggressive populations of monkeys.

  3. Cruise in Style.

    Rent a motorbike to visit a national park. Take the mandatory waterfall picture so you can brag to your friends online. Don’t tell anyone that the best thing about your day is scaring those damned monkeys in revenge, honking the bike’s horn as you zoom past.

  4. Take Risks.

    Become cocky and wreck the motorbike. Feel badass since you survived. Feel like an idiot because you crashed going only 15 miles per hour (24 kph).

  5. Get to Know the Locals.

    Laugh as your resident smoothie lady jokes about you marrying her 14 year old daughter. When she says it again the following day, realize that she’s not kidding. Consider returning in 10 years to get married, because a lifetime of free smoothies is the best dowry in the history of civilization.

  6. Go to Ancient Temples.

    After the third day of sightseeing, realize that it’s way too hot to bother walking around outside. Check into a guesthouse for a month and just hang around in the garden reading books.

  7. Get Off the Beaten Track.

    Leave the banana pancakes and the guidebooks behind. Stumble into a tiny, unnamed village that isn’t found on any map. Pass by a small group of huts and once again find yourself inexplicably surrounded by German tourists.

  8. Improve your Negotiation Skills.

    Haggle for twenty minutes with the elderly guesthouse owner to save ten percent on your bed. Immediately spend a week’s worth of rent money on imported beer.

  9. Cleanse your Spirit.

    Take one night off from drinking because your hangovers are getting terrible. Then realize the following morning that you’ve had malaria for a month but you were too drunk to notice.

  10. Get in Touch with the Rhythms of Nature.

    At 5:30 every evening, instinctively return to your hostel bed. Much like the seasonal migration of birds, the other guests will all come back due to the same subconscious pull. In sticky silence, wait for the 6 p.m. activation of the air conditioner.

thailand beach
Filed under: Humor, Lists, Thailand

About the Author:

Arthur is an educator and student of the world. He wanders the globe in a selfish quest to teach everyone English, trying to save himself from the embarrassment of being absolutely terrible at speaking foreign languages himself. has written 3 posts on Vagabond Journey. Contact the author.

Arthur Fern is currently in: South KoreaMap

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