What’s worse, babies crying or grown men?
SOMEWHERE over the Atlantic- “I’m going to get on Yelp and tear them an asshole. Really, it’s going to be brutal.” -Grown Man
To start the flight, this guy tried to fight me for my seat. I told him that he was wrong. I stood up and showed him that he was wrong.
“Look, the aisle seat is the one right next to the little guy next to the seat number here.”
“Look, the seats go A, B, C, D. I’m D right here. You’re F, over there.”
“Look, I’m seated with my family. We are sitting together in a row here. Three of them on that side, and me seated here.”
He called over a stewardess and told on me. She told him that I was in the right seat and that his seat was over on the other side.
He blamed it on the stewardess who welcomed him on the plane and reputedly told him to go down the aisle on this side. Of course.
If this was all that I heard from this moron I wouldn’t have a story to tell here. But as I sat on that plane, with him two seats to my right and his wife / girlfriend sitting between us, this guy spewed pure bullshit for almost the entire flight that I was awake for.
Travel writing is a process of experiencing things and people that you don’t understand. I could not understand how one person could be so dumb.
I really wish I got this guy’s name and a photo of his face. I’d love for this post to come up in Google when he does his weekly search of his name; I’d like for his co-workers to read and go “I knew he was a moron!” but I was civil.
This isn’t really about him, per se, but a character type that you find on airplanes relatively often. Stuff 200 humans into a tin can floating around at 20,000 feet and someone’s bound to go bonkers.
The catalyst? Babies.
There was one baby a couple of rows forward to our left and another a couple of rows behind us to our right. They both were crying. It was irritating, I have to admit. I glanced around at the other passengers to see how they were doing. Everybody was sitting there, nice and civil, except for this guy who was extremely animatedly covering his ears and rocking back and forth groaning.
This f’ck has to be at least 50 years old.
“I can’t believe these douchebag parents would bring their kids on a plane. How could they be so stupid!?!” he roared loud enough for the douchebag parents to hear. “If they know their kid’s are going to cry the entire time why do they leave them somewhere else to not fly? I’m going to tell these f’cks the way it is!”
His wife / girlfriend grimaced and shifted uncomfortably in her seat.
“Why do they have to bring these kids on the plane!?!” he roared again. “It used to be that nobody brought babies on the plane but now everybody is bringing them.”
I couldn’t tell what’s worse, the cries from the little babies or the big one.
(No, my kids have never cried like that on a plane. There’s strategies for that.)
The little babies stopped crying but the big one continued. He raged about how the flight departed late because it waited for a batch of transiting passengers. He complained about how the gate wasn’t ready for us to pull up to upon arrival. He screamed about how the airline didn’t give us free food and drinks. He wailed about how it was all so illegal. Then he started talking about tearing assholes …
Flying is ultimately an exercise in social tolerance. Fat people, tall people, ugly people, stinky people, loud people, stupid people, snoring people, and, yes, little people are all in it together and there isn’t anything you can do but sit back and enjoy the ride.
Or don’t fly.
“I think maybe we should cancel or trip to Spain,” the guy’s wife / girlfriend proposed. “We can’t take international travel.”
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