Accept it if you want to get ahead.
ROCHESTER, New York- My father is the classic example of a working man. He rose as high in his profession as he cares to go, he does something he seems to like, he seems to have a good time when on the job.
When I would be out with him as a kid and we’d see one of his co-workers he would bellow out to him in a loud voice, usually calling him my some nickname that he probably made up and often reciting some kind of inside joke. It was strange watching my father talk recreationally to someone who wasn’t in our family. His voice and demeanor was different to me. He never really hung out with friends and never brought any of his buddies over to the house, so this was really the only time that I would see this side of him.
I live a life that is rather different than his. He used to tell me when I was a kid that I should get and education so I don’t have to do what he does, but I don’t think what I ended up doing was what he had in mind.
I often say that there are two sides of any art: being able to do it well and having the interpersonal skills and drive to sell it. But there may be another as well: the ability to get along with people. Just because you’re right doesn’t mean you’re going to win. Part of getting along with people is accepting them for who they are — deficiencies and all.
Now, I don’t drill my dad with barrages of questions like I do everybody else. I just kind of stand next to him outside of his house and he imparts old stories and little parcels of wisdom:
“You have to realize that everybody you work with is going to be an asshole at some point. Once you understand that you’re alright. The question is how much of an asshole they are and whether or not you want to deal with them.”
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About the Author: VBJ
I am the founder and editor of Vagabond Journey. I’ve been traveling the world since 1999, through 93 countries. I am the author of the book, Ghost Cities of China and have written for The Guardian, Forbes, Bloomberg, The Diplomat, the South China Morning Post, and other publications. VBJ has written 3728 posts on Vagabond Journey. Contact the author.
VBJ is currently in: Rome, Italy
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June 2, 2019, 7:28 pm
That’s true. I know I’m an a hole.
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June 3, 2019, 2:21 am
Hello Wade- new guy here. Just getting familiar with your style and thought processes. World travel I’m sure, has given you a much broader cloth with which to compare/contrast values and opinions. …what an asset. Your post about the commonality of being an ‘a-hole’ gives me pause. Typically I go about looking for exceptions to the rule when blanket statements are made about a somewhat nebulous subject…..not this time. My experience sort of confirms the premise. But my addition to your post is not that. It’s about the value of diversity- as a strength even though intolerable when wrecklessly applied. The delivery of our view is as important as content, maybe more. It is uncommon for one to value a message that has at its root…anger or undue sarcasm, even when the message is otherwise sound. So, at least for me, it’s not so much a clash of values (sometimes it is), rather the underlying emotions of the speaker. And we can feel it even if disguised by wit or brilliance (women have this wired in more than most men….). For those of us with a still-lingering conscience, we moderate most of this desire for verbal retribution through dialogue- MOST of the time, and beat the s**t out of ourselves when we fail. Unfortunately, in what appears a rather global decline of civility, self-interventions appear on the decline (from my experience)- rather infectious as a ‘group phenomenon’. Exacerbating the effects of moral/ethical turpitude includes those in positions of social influence acting out impulses of narcissism and other expressions of fear/inadequacy. These are multiplier effects on a community/nation. Return to greater civility ‘might’ occur when the costs to the a-hole outweigh the (psychological) benefits, and/or costs to the affected group meets a threshold of intolerability , and greater social sanctions are demanded…and applied. We’re not there yet. …but the greater good among us will/may always position our psyche with this aspiration…because not to acquiesces to human natures dark forces.
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