Dear Miriam, the Great Defender of Maine

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Dear Miriam,

Due to the fact that your sister tells me all about how awesome you are, I figured that I would write you a note on this travelogue.

From the words of your sister, I understand that you are nearly seven feet tall and that you won the local lumber jack competition by chopping down twenty trees in 1 hr and 27 minutes. Is it true that you wear twenty pound, forest service approved, fire fighter boots at all times of the year and never take off your red flannel shirts and suspenders? I think that I will be very pleased, yet a little afraid, to meet you at Thanksgiving. I think you could snap me between your teeth like a dried up twig, so I will surely keep my mouth shut and be on my best behavior. You sound like the toughest women in all of Maine.

Your sister also told me many other tales about you. Like the time when you had to defend your cabin in the words from gangs of marauding tri-horned deer, from stampeding moose, and all about that horrid infestation of carpet licking tree frogs (which sounded like a really horrible disaster). But I am told that you held strong through thick and thin, and, in the end, prevailed over the more antagonistic elements of nature and saved your family. I look forward to learning a few things from you.

Every night your sister tells me a new “Miriam” tale, and I am beginning to think of you as some sort of real life action hero. Can you really skin a moose in 37 seconds and eat 25 bananas in under two minutes? I think that you are awesome already.

But I am beginning to suspect that your sister is prone to stretching the truth and that I may be a little impressionable. But, regardless of fact or fiction, I am very much excited to meet both you and your family this Thanksgiving. I hear that you are awesome people.

Walk Slow,

Wade